Should Leaders Make Emotional Connections?

I was recently reviewing a workplace psychology textbook chapter discussing the behavioral traits of effective leadership styles. Some of those, including the charismatic and transformational styles, highlight a leader’s ability to form “emotional connection” with team members.

I immediately wondered: what, exactly, is an emotional connection? Which emotions are expected in this kind of bond? What do those emotions indicate is happening between them? Furthermore, how does the leader handle unpleasant emotions? How would the leader know precisely what to do to elicit the desired feelings in their team?

Using a needs-oriented lens, we can regard emotions as signposts pointing to fundamental needs underneath. The status of one’s needs triggers an emotional response. If a member experiences an emotional response within the relationship with their leader, this view urges them to look behind the feelings to find which salient needs are being met in that relationship (indicated by pleasant emotions) and/or which are unmet (indicated by unpleasant emotions). When a relationship provides the support a member needs to thrive, they will naturally have pleasant emotional responses within that bond.

When we view it this way, it seems to make more sense to refer to this trait as the ability to establish a “caring connection” rather than an “emotional connection”. This implies the leader is present, attuned, and positively responsive to the needs of the member that are relevant to their workplace. This label focuses on what the leader is doing in the relationship (caring actions), rather than on the resulting symptoms (emotions). Since feelings are a product of perceptions and beliefs, focusing primarily on triggering specific feelings can be confusing and may even be perceived as manipulative; focusing on relevant needs, however, directly impacts well-being, which is naturally accompanied by positive feelings and trust.

When a member expresses unpleasant feelings, it is an opportunity for the leader to reconnect, empathize, and offer support. The feelings are like warning lights on the dashboard, alerting the leader to something that requires attention for that person to continue functioning well. The feelings should be viewed as points of vital information, not signals of failure and condemnation.

The advantage of this viewpoint is that it aligns with our sociobiological reality. Humans require and naturally seek out high-quality caring connection to thrive, and we suffer emotional and physical consequences when we do not have them. These consequences urge us to correct our “connection deficiencies”, because we are biologically wired to give and receive care – at least up to the level of the “tribal” level. Improving the caring connection between a leader and the team members is less about building entirely new skills and more about removing the obstructions that get in the way of what we are already inclined to create under supportive conditions.